In Due Time…

As the sun poured over my naked body I imagined it lathering me. A golden elixir. The rays penetrated and healed my former wounded soul.

My soul has been transforming. I can’t give a specific timeframe because it’s endless but I’ve noticed a shift the past couple days. I’ve been uncertain. Wavering on the fence between fear and letting go completely. My rational mind binds me to my false sense of security.

Recently an event happened that made me free fall and what I found was that I could fly. I was recently confronted with a past lover that truly broke my heart. Seeing him— and not just seeing him, but seeing him with a close friend was the epitome of fuckery. I questioned God, “God, what kinda games are you playing???” But I was able to shift my perspective. You’re no victim. Remember why you are here to begin with and move through the situation to the best of your abilities. Afterwards, was reflection time. I processed my emotions in silence the whole ride back home. I had to remember that God never puts me in situations that I can’t handle and that I am protected. Everything is a lesson, so what was the lesson? Well one, I carry baggage from one situation to the next. Here I am in an entirely new heartbreak and seeing my past was enough to unsettle me. There were still unhealed feelings. I questioned and asked “Why not me?” Even though I knew that he wasn’t shit for me and I found better afterwards, that was an indication of festering wounds. I then stepped back. Seeing where I am now after God removed this person from my life. Knowing that presently I have never felt so close to divinity. So aligned with my passions. So in love with myself. Stepping back allowed me to see that had the universe allowed me to stay (because I wasn’t budging) I would not be where I am now (or my process delayed). Stepping back allowed me to see God’s divine hand in my life. One of the hardest things I had ever been through, God brought me out of it. I met my most recent ex and I was able to experience what mutual love felt like. That was a blessing. And while we are no longer, I am able to step back in this current situation and walk in confidence knowing that the universe is always in my favor. I’ll move on from my most recent ex as well and have something even better. Honestly, as cliche as it sounds, I truly am falling in love with myself. Running into the previous ex was enough to make me fully take both hands off and step into the unknown. It aided in a complete paradigm shift and awakening for me. Following the path of least resistance whether it be in love or career will always bring me in alignment and enlightenment. I can let go of what is hard and doesn’t allow my heart to sing because holding on brings spiritual death. It was in those rejections that I was able to move along my path towards awakening my divine energy.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust…

To die and be reborn realizing that you had the power all along. I once heard that heart breaks are meant to break you open. Do you hear that? Being broken up is where change happens. But you gotta be committed to your healing. It’s a process and it is not easy. But listening to your body. Resting when needed. Reaching down and touching the self you keep hidden is part of your awakening. Commit to yourself. And know that you can manifest anything you desire when you let go and follow where your heart is leading you. Because you are in alignment. God gave you spiritual gifts, use it and allow the universe to respond with blessings in the material. Those two do not have to be at odds. I truly believe that in me following my call and spreading the Word, God will respond by taking care of my needs. I refuse to worry about them any longer because up until now I have thought that me holding the reins and forcing things to happen, holding on to people God was trying to remove, jobs I hated, I believed this is what brought real results. Forcing my form to fit where it did not belong. But God let me know in my spirit. Anxiety, depression, low self-esteem. Until I made that first step to answer my call. Then a door opened. And another. And another. Opportunities have literally been at my door and I haven’t even fully submerged myself yet. Showing the grace of God when I let go and trust in what is promised to me. Abundance. I’m grateful for every heartbreak and closed door. Every no has lead to a yes. I’m grateful for my current job because it gave me the tools and resources and it helped further my discernment. What feels right and what doesn’t.

Moral of the story, find the time to sit in silence. Find the time to listen to your body. Your inner self. Get out in the sun. Touch the earth with your bare feet. Find the things that speak to you and make you light up. Try new shit y’all! Let the spark guide you. This world will tell you to be rational and I do believe that we have to be able to navigate it in a way that works best for you. Every situation is different. Make a plan, but most importantly, make a move. Remember, there truly is no such thing as security. Everything is futile. And only change is inevitable. It could be all gone tomorrow. But— I’m confident in my abilities. I believe that God has crafted the tools in me to be able to bounce back from any situation. So, again I’m taking the step. No longer held by my past and anxious about my future. See the bigger picture and know if you’re reading this God has brought you out of 100% of all the situations meant to take you out.

I’m at a point now where not trying would kill me internally. I have so much trust in the universe that I’m fearless. My past brought me to this exact point and I am humbly grateful.

Divine timing. Trust. The universe wants nothing more than to shower blessings at your feet. Follow your heart. Be fearless and in due time you’ll understand why it all happened the way it did.

Much love to you all.