This week has definitely been one of transformation. I haven’t been journaling because I’ve been trying to take it all in. First off, I didn’t work this week so it left me with a lot of free time to overthink and really get stuck in my damn head. The one thing that helped me keep moving was going to bootcamp because it forced me to get out of bed. Y’all, when I tell you that depression really tries to attack me hard on a daily, it’s super important for me to move with intention and purpose. Sometimes sitting in my apartment alone can be my enemy, but I’m learning how to shift the energy. My daily struggle is to keep myself from becoming overcome with fear. Fear that I will fail because I’m choosing to follow the narrow path. Even though I KNOW I’m following my spirit with the direction I’m taking in life, fear tries to win by telling me that I’ll lose it all. All my money, my apartment, my car, my security. I have to constantly reaffirm that I am safe. That I love my job and the people I work with and that everything will come together. It already is. I’m exactly where I wanna be in the present, the only thing “lacking” is the material. And as long as I continue to see from a place of “I don’t have,” I won’t.
Yesterday, I showed up to work and met another beautiful spirit. Me and her talked for at least an hour just boosting each other up. Pouring into each other. I’m telling you that once we finished, I felt so charged. It was the equivalent of me sun-soaking. I felt so overwhelmed with love and joy after talking to her. And I was grateful to God because it was a testament to how the universe gives me what I give it. Everyday, despite my fears, when I choose to have faith and show up, the universe shows out. It’s like I can only get out what I put in.
Then today with my boss, I opened up and allowed myself to express my fears. They were received and heard and that made me grateful because how many people can say they feel truly loved and appreciated in their place of work? How many people can say that they know their current place of work is part of their soul’s mission? Not many. I’ve applied for other jobs to supplement my income because I have entertained fear, but my spirit will not allow me to settle. I’m exactly where I need to be. I don’t have to question. I don’t have to doubt. I can fully commit. Nothing has happened by chance. Everything has been divinely orchestrated. All I had to do was step out the way and show up being the big energy that I naturally am. Doors will open. Opportunities will fall on my lap because I chose to live my life lead by spirit. It’s hard to do because we’re taught to ignore it and follow the path everyone else is taking. I have to tell myself that if the current society as we know it didn’t exist, we would be following our hearts, choosing things we love to do, allowing our passions to guide us, and loving on each other freely.
But the construction tells you to do something that counters spirit because “it pays the bills.” My momma thought I was crazy because I said I didn’t wanna adult in the way this world tells you to. I refuse to work a job that makes me feel suppressed and miserable. I refuse to continue having my damn eye twitching nonstop 😂😂😂.
Don’t get me wrong, my eye was twitching hard this week about my money. I love my stability. But my sense of stability is in the material and that is a false notion. My real security is not in money. Even if I lose it all, I can gain it back again because my spirit is colossal. My spirit is wise. I’m so tapped into my power that I’ll recreate whatever it is I need. My spirit is my stability. Lots of learning and growing this week. That Lions Gate was no joke. Staying in my power often feels like yo-yoing and it’s because I’m still a neophyte. Again, and again and again. Each level of elevation, a babe again.
Following the road less traveled is not for the weak. But I have to remind myself that no matter what happens, I’d rather be in a place that aligns with my spirit then be in a place that I’m forcing my spirit to align to.
That shit never works for me anyway 😂😂😂
Nashema's Blog 