My Car Got Repoed

be encouraged.

If you are struggling to hold on, I hope this message encourages you to hold on a little bit longer. 

As the title states, my car did get repossessed this week. Chile… they been after me for months. Carmax specifically. Calling three to five times a day. I got some reprieve on the weekends and then they’d pick back up faithfully Monday through Friday. I shoulda known something was coming because the calls lessened. They was tired of me and the feeling was mutual. I felt like I was running like Jonah from an omniscient presence only to be swallowed up for being disobedient. “You thought you could run?? We got a tracker on the car!” 

I ain’t gonna lie, when it first happened I cried for an hour or two. I was walking to the gym in my apartment complex. I got into a routine of coming out, looking to see if Big Red was there, seeing it, and thanking God.

The game made me more grateful. But today… was different. I walked out and looked to the right… and Big Red was gone.

I walked around the parking lot because I just knew I misplaced it. Nah. She was gone. I let it sink in for a moment. “At least they made it painless,” I thought to myself. 

 I walked to the gym. But I couldn’t focus. I sat on the ground and cried. I said, “I can’t do this shit,” and walked back home. 

I cried in my chair. I cried on the couch. I cried on the porch. After a while, I started thinking of the thought I had yesterday. I had a thought of life being too hard. I said to myself that I was tired and that I didn’t wanna do this anymore. I wouldn’t do something to myself, but I was silently quitting to God in my head. And then today my car was repoed. 

I knew I had to shift. 

I touched the bruise on the back of my head. I think it was from my hair being pulled the night before, but the little hypochondriac in me said it could be anything.

I sat for a moment to thank God for my excellent health. I thanked God for my family and friends. l thanked God for my mind, my apartment, and everything else I had at the moment. 

Here was my pep talk with myself, “Okay, so they came and got the car. Remember how anxious you were looking out the window wondering if the infamous “they” were coming? Remember how you couldn’t leave anything vital in your car because you didn’t know when they was gonna get yo ass?? Well now, it’s happened. And it’s over. You’ll do what you can to get it back but if you can’t get it— YOU WILL LIVE. And you WILL get something even better. Nashema, you didn’t have insurance on the car, your tags were bad, and you were five months behind on your car payments. You could not afford the car. It does not lessen your value, you just have to pivot. What is the lesson from this?” I looked outside and saw the sun shining and I told myself, “I need to walk more.” 

I sat with myself to reflect on what this situation was teaching me. When the answers didn’t come immediately, I got up and started moving. I’ve learned from my past that when things around me get hard, I sink into sadness. Since that is a pattern of mine that I have recognized, I do what I can to shift myself from sinking low. I’m not saying I don’t allow myself to feel. But I have to keep moving. Especially, if I want the answers to come. I didn’t need to be still in that moment. I cleaned up my apartment, went back to the gym to work out, came home and showered, put on my favorite clothes, and went to the business center to start writing this newsletter. 

I needed an outlet. This was it. 

I left my teaching job five months ago and it’s been nothing short of an emotional rollercoaster. Every day there’s been a new mental block to lift to shift my mindset. Every. Single. Day. What I essentially did was leave teaching to jump straight into entrepreneurship. Without crystal clear clarity on what my vision and business is. I had ideas but I wasn’t executing them fully because I wanted to do too much at the same time. It has been tiresome but I had many breakthroughs. And since I believe life here is a school for the elevation of the spirit, everything is a lesson and draws me closer and closer to the Divine. To my Divine self.

Here are some of the lessons I’ve learned in the last five months: 

Create healthy habits– small steps! It doesn’t have to happen all at once. 

Thankfully, I have spent the last few years learning how to eat, going to bed early, working out, having a beauty regimen, experimenting with my passions, getting outside, practicing mindfulness, limiting distractions, prioritizing minimalism, reading, spending time with family and friends, and getting to know myself. 

Now that these habits are in place, I have a framework. 

These things seem small but they are huge in helping me shift my energy. I understand that when my energy shifts internally, my external world shifts. I can see every situation as something that is for me, shift it to a positive, and look at it from a lens that positions me on top of the situation. The Universe responds to your frequency. It responds to who you are being.  If you are feeling “in lack” you are going to attract more lack. Thankfully, these habits have taught me how to recognize the abundance within and all around me. 

Do not feel pity for yourself. Have faith.

This is not a pity post. I understand that when you make certain choices, certain consequences come with it. I also try not to limit things from the simple scope of “good or bad,” I can look at this situation however I want. I chose to look at it from a lens that will elevate my spirit. I ask myself questions like, “How can this situation help me grow?” and “What is this trying to teach me?” And then I try not to take anything personally.

If I believe I am a creator of my life, at least one of the co-creators, then I can’t choose to become a victim now. 

This is where choosing the path of least resistance comes in handy. The lower emotions that carry too much energy– I’m releasing those. I’d rather lighten the load and accept this is what it is at the moment. 

I know that I must trust where I am being led and not let my circumstances talk me into disbelief. I knew it was important to not look at it as if God was “punishing me.” I had thoughts of “maybe I made the wrong decision,” but I knew deep down I didn’t. It was just fear kicking in. 

I made a decision. I can’t take it back. So I won’t focus on whether it was right or wrong. I’m getting comfortable with making decisions and risks and not knowing. There is no “right or wrong decision.” Only– a decision made. What’s next?

What can I do today with the gifts and opportunities before me? 

You’re never trapped. 

There’s always a way out. 

Someone once told me, “If you have breath, you have opportunity.”

Be grateful and have joy. This too shall pass.

I’ve been a lesser version of myself because the last five years have felt like a puppy monkey baby has been attacking my ass.

But I can say I understand how everything has played a major part in getting me here. 

Knowing what I know now and seeing how it all brought me to this moment is nothing short of beautiful. 

Like working out, you become more equipped, faster, and stronger but there will always be challenges. Some days will be easier than others. Some days will make you question your sanity. 

I don’t wanna be blowing in the wind by everything that happens externally. I want my inner state grounded or at least know how to ground.

When will happiness come? 

When I chose to have it. 

When I chose to rise above whatever is going on around me.

Regardless of what’s happening, I want to always find my center. 

Take some breaths and know I’m whole. 

It’s my faith in knowing what’s coming to me.  

It’s my ability to shift, presence, and gratefulness that gets me through. 

I’ve been caught up on the end goal. 

The end goal of “I need to make money to get me out of this situation.” 

Scarcity. 

Wanting to escape the Now.

I was coming from a place of fear and lack and I was creating more lack. 

Applying for jobs and creating ideas from a place of “you need to start making money NOW.” 

That’s not how money works. I needed to give value.

I didn’t need to research another thing.

I needed to take what I already had and share it with the world. 

I needed to give away what I already had for the betterment of the collective.

Not coming from a place of “I need this to get that because I am lacking.”

But knowing that I am whole, everything is fine, and this is what I am giving the world.  

This is who I am being and who I am. 

And allowing the Universe to respond. 

It puts me in the space of faith and expectation. 

The “end goal” takes time. Enjoy the process and know that you will get there. But also know that the only “there” that matters is Now. 

Are you doing the best that you can today?

How did you show up today?

If all I did today was share the best of myself and show up with gratitude, love, and cheer— I did my part. 

The material loss reminded me that it’s not about the material and that being of service and focusing on how I can “show up and make the room better with what I have to offer,” is how I needed to approach this. 

The mission is about who I can help and enlighten TODAY.

How can I be more present, grateful, honest, and loving today? 

I cannot be overly attached to the “end goal,” and stress the money. 

I’m walking in my purpose every day in how I show up. 

In doing the work every day. 

And if I am working on myself internally and then practicing in my interactions with the world externally– the money has no choice but to come and match my frequency. 

But I must be in the only place where salvation lives— the Now. 

The vision becomes clearer as you make progress forward.

I have been committed to the process. Every day with me struggling and moving forward the vision has become clearer and clearer. 

For the longest time, my biggest hurdle has been where to put my energy first.

I’ve tried, I’ve reached out, I’ve had meetings and cancellations, but with every step forward I understood more and more what I needed to do. I learned to allow and not see anything as a roadblock but as a place to pivot. 

My car getting repoed pushed me to write about the situation that day. And I realized I have more than enough material to start my newsletter because writing is one of my major forms of expression. 

Spending too much time researching, spinning, consuming content, and not enough time creating.

I was in the pattern of habitually seeking answers, confirmations, and validation. 

Instead of remembering the answers are already in me and they flow out when I write. 

CC Rice, voice and speech professor, states, “You don’t have to know who you are to express yourself, you have to express yourself to know who you are.”

Don’t be ashamed. Share your story and share what I’m learning along the way.

This is my story and as long as I’m growing and becoming better, I won’t be ashamed. 

A conversation with my friend Nique reminded me of the “everyday work” that we do as humans. 

Every day is an opportunity to be better and do better.  

Elevate my mind.

And shift. 

I’ll share what I am learning along the way,

hopefully, it helps you to shift too.