I’ve been questioning whether I want to continue pursuing music lately. Considering my journey, I’ve left teaching multiple times over the past six years and had various odd jobs. In December, I was evicted from my apartment, and now I’m staying with a friend while working as a food delivery person. Despite applying for better-paying jobs, including teaching positions again, nothing has materialized.
Feeling overwhelmed has led me to consider dropping everything for instant relief. I’ve been barely managing the essentials, reducing expenses, working to pay bills, and applying for new jobs while accepting my current situation. It’s exhausting.
I used to believe the universe was against me. Why did every job seem blocked? Did the universe want me to struggle? Why does delivering food seem like my only option, requiring twice the effort?
I recognize I’ve contributed to my current circumstances. I could have navigated things differently, but I advocated for myself, questioned systems, and prioritized my well-being. Despite the challenges, I’ve taken control of my life. Every decision, has led me here—struggling to make ends meet, battling depression while living with a friend.
One significant realization is that my current thoughts and feelings are part of living. I can’t skip over this part to get to the better parts. I must embrace where I am now, no matter how difficult, and see it as an opportunity for growth. My writings, music, and creative projects stem from embracing my reality, not seeing it as a burden, but a chance for transformation.
I’m learning to have faith and believe in myself, even in my lowest moments. I trust that where I’m going is better than where I’ve been. Embracing my journey, sharing my experiences, and continuing to believe in myself are my anchors as I navigate through uncertainty.
Nashema's Blog 