Navigating these structures has been a journey. I tend to be someone who questions things, wants to speak up, and can sometimes be downright defiant. In the past, I let my emotions get the best of me and allowed my pride to take over. There was a desperation and darkness that loomed over me because I hated working in the school system and felt that the people in charge didn’t have my or the students’ best interests at heart. It felt like I was working for a business that used education as a front for something else. I kept quitting and running away. I also think working with older students contributed to my workplace depression.
Now, I’m learning that finding joy is a process. It’s taken a lot of work. I had to choose myself over and over again. I had to speak up, quit when necessary, shift my mindset, and find things outside of education that brought me happiness. Changing to work with younger students has made a big difference. I’ve also learned that sometimes, to survive, I have to step back from confrontation because those in power can use their position to disadvantage you.
I’m still learning balance—for myself and for my students. My priority is always my students, from the moment I step on campus to when I leave. I’m also learning to let go of the stress. I do my best while I’m there, then I leave it behind and move forward. Most importantly, I make time for myself and my creative pursuits outside of work.
Giving my best as a teacher is an authentic expression of who I am. I may not reveal every part of my personality in that space—and honestly, I’m still navigating what full self-expression looks like outside of it—but I believe my online creative work allows me to express myself authentically. Maybe through that process, I’ll find more ways to show up as my true self in the workspace, too.
Nashema's Blog 