Truth is Not Absolute but a Process

I’ve been looking for the truth for a while now. 

Obsessing over answers and guarantees. 

My mind has been programmed to have everything figured out and to seek when I don’t know. 

In relationships, ruminating when I didn’t receive closure. 

In my career, trying to figure out how all my gifts come together. 

In my spirituality, trusting myself and the path I’m taking. 

Running myself ragged because I am not following the safe path. 

It’s not scripted and laid out for me. 

No one told me what my best choice should be. 

I’m carving it out myself. 

I’ve been building self-trust and holding that as my authority. 

Trusting yourself is often demonized. 

So this path often feels lonely. 

It’s misunderstood. 

While I am trusting my internal guidance system, I am still affected by the programs I’ve inherited. 

The fear. 

Obsessing over answers before I make a decision. 

There’s a lot of unlearning happening. 

I know it’s trying to keep me safe and to keep me in place. 

Because when I’m obsessing, I’m not acting. 

I am begging for a guarantee before I make a decision. 

The fear keeps me from acting.

And that’s why I keep moving forward. 

Past the fear 

And the uncertainty. 

And the unknown. 

Because I understand that truth may not be bellowed from the mountain tops when I want it. 

It comes from my trust. 

And my movement.

My pauses. 

From living. 

It’s a process. 

Ever evolving. 

There’s a balance. 

Because while I move forward and push past the unknown with my actions 

I also have to practice how to be present in it

Present in the now

In the reality that I am constantly trying to move out of 

I know that there is something there for me to learn from 

There are people there that I am in connection with 

There is so much to learn there

Often my lesson is presence, gratitude, and play. 

To enjoy the process and to relax and stop obsessing about the “end goal.” 

Because if I don’t work on it now, I’ll never be satisfied. 

Always want more and more and more. 

So I work. 

And I rest. 

And I pause. 

I sit in silence.

Solitude.

I write. 

I sit in the sun. 

I laugh with my family. 

I eat my favorite burger.

I run. 

And I really work on focusing on one thing fully at a time. 

This is my story, 

This is my song.