Career Fluidity #100daysofdrafts (day 7)

The commitment I made to myself to do a draft a day. It is important to me. But other things have come in and taken priority. This whole “figure out what you want to do with your life thing” has brought about a new kind of anxiety. The pressure to “figure it out,” “choose one career and do it for the rest of your life,” “find my passion,” is something else. I quit my job and have a limited fixed budget now and the pressure is on— sort of. I think I realized that I was causing that pressure on myself based on what I felt others would say. I felt like I should be stressed out because I had quit my job with no real plan and my family is now looking at me to see what’s next. My boyfriend told me that he really didn’t think I wanted a job and I had to be honest with myself and say that I didn’t. My real feelings were that I felt no real pressure to want to apply for work because I did NOT want to work for someone else. I gave myself room and patience to stop looking and to take my mind off of “what’s next.” I had been researching nonstop trying to figure out my whole life in one sitting each time. Today, my aunt said that she suggested someone come to me to get their hair done. A lightbulb went off. I don’t know why the hell I didn’t think about doing hair when I have a whole license just sitting here (collecting dust frfr). I have had soooo many ideas and things I wanted to accomplish, today I allowed myself to just pick one thing. Doing hair gives me creativity and flexibility that I seek in a career. I plan on consolidating my bills and hopefully getting rid of my apartment soon. If I plan on truly giving this 100% I need the least amount of bills as possible. And as long as I’m smart during this time and save my money (Blog about minimalism, anti consumerism, and black liberation later) then I should be okay. Doing hair is something that I can start TODAY without additional training. Annnnd, I do not have to do it for the rest of my life. I’ve never felt like saying “I’m a teacher.” I’ve always said “I teach.” It’s what I do, not who I am. And I may want to do something different tomorrow. I’ve been trying to pick something that I could do for forever, because that is what’s ingrained in me. But the truth is, I can do this right now and it may not be what I’m still doing in five years— and that’s okay!! Pick one thing that I can enjoy and allow for it to open other doors for me. I can do hair (to make money) and still write, read, and research what’s next. This decision feels so good and so right that I haven’t even had the urge to binge eat. I think I was doing that because of the lack of direction and control that I felt I had. I feel at peace right now and it feels good.