A lesson from a plant…

So I have an Aglaonema. A plant with pretty dark evergreen foliage with splashes of red. Gifted to me by a friend. Beautiful. It symbolized a new beginning and I was doing everything I could to keep it alive. I had tried everything. Research. Repotted her. Fertilizer. Moved her around. Watered her. Dried her out again. Still. Yellowing leaves. Everyday I looked at her and noticed more yellowing. I looked at her from across the room. Discouraged. Frustrated. No matter what I did, she continued to have leaf yellowing. And her leaves continued to roll up from too much water. I decided then to just leave it alone. As I looked at her from across the room, I thought about how eventually there wouldn’t be a leaf left.

Here I was doing everything I could to keep this thing going. Putting all of my energy into making it thrive. But it was quickly leading to burnout. Frustration. The frustration finally lead me to planting my heels in the ground. Running away. Doing nothing. This day for me in particular was a product of my frustration from a lack of answers, so it seemed. I was in a phase I call “spinning wheels” overanalyzing and getting nothing done. Plans of productivity quickly turned into laying on the couch watching YouTube.

One lady in particular really pulled me in. Her energy was so inviting and warm and I watched one video after another of her talking about plants. One video she showed what new foliage looked like on her Aglaonema— and what do you know??! New foliage on Aglaonemas look like rolled up leaves. Those leaves that I kept seeing on the plant that were rolled up were not existing leaves suffering from too much water. They were actually new leaves that were growing on the plant. The whole time I continued to obsess and stress over the plant. Obsessing over the leaves that I was losing at the bottom, that I never even noticed or realized all the new foliage that was emerging at the top. Granted, it was from a lack of information but taking the time to pause and learn was all I needed to help shift my perspective about the plant. Yes she was losing leaves, but she was also growing. She even had white flower bulbs. The plant was thriving, despite what it looked like. After trying so hard, and stubbornly being lead to stillness, I was able to shift perspectives not only about the plant but about myself.

Yes, things seem bleak to you. All you are noticing are the negatives swirling around you. You’re tired. Frustrated and you’re doing everything you can to keep afloat. You think, “If I just exert more energy I’ll be successful.” But what I found was that I was increasingly ignoring the need for silence. The need to do nothing. Sometimes rest, pausing, and going within is necessary for a shift. You’ll see you’re exactly where you need to be. Doing exactly what you need to be doing. AND doing the best you can do. Pause often to see and seek direction. You’ll know when it’s time to move. Doors and openings will shift and make room for you. But sometimes all you need is clarity and stillness for a new appreciation. Or to receive a lesson from a plant…