Awakening: the emergence

I love you. No matter what you do and what you choose, I love you. I dream of you holding me and loving on me. Loving me. No matter the distance and circumstance, I feel you. Memories of the moments we’ve shared and moments to come play in my head. I allow the thoughts to come because trying to suppress them doesn’t work. I allow the thoughts and I sit with them. They are beautiful. I come every time you call. Every time you choose to want my love, I’m there. I choose not to deny how I feel or ignore the love that radiates between us. I’m accepting everything. What is. What was. And who you are.

Right now and even in my dreams, you don’t choose me. Radical acceptance will help me release you. Even though you feel, you still deny. And I’m learning that it’s okay. You made your choice and you have every right to choose your path and your own journey. But I will no longer settle for what you decide to give me. The pain comes from seeing the vision but then seeing the reality. Every dream you either deny, or desire me due the circumstances being more aligned. Never you choosing me in the Now. Never you sacrificing and stepping up to make it work, Now. Fear. Fear controls you. And I chose not to operate in it. You may not fully realize who I am, but one day you will. I wish you Peace, Love, and Blessings. I hope you prosper in everything you do and touch in this life and for the rest of eternity. My love for you hasn’t changed. I’m awakening to who I am and deciding to choose myself. That’s all. I’m deciding to focus on creating the world I see for myself. I’m choosing to focus on what makes me feel good, and being connected to you right now as you are doesn’t make me feel good because you don’t see or value me. Only when I walk away and see and value myself and deny you access will you finally get it. But when you come back, will I trust it? Why now? There were people who saw it in me before I saw it in myself— those are the real ones. I guess we are mirroring each other. As long as I don’t see it, you won’t. That thought helps me to never take it personal. You had to be blinded. It was your denial that caused my heart to cave in. I needed to be broken to see that it was already within me. I needed to be denied and rejected so I could see that I’m the one that has my own back. I needed to see that I could endure anything with the strength of my Spirit. I am so loved. So protected. So blessed. I feel so in my Power. So I should really thank you. Thank you for the experience and thank God that I had the strength to get to the other side. I see myself as the world sees me but most importantly, I see myself. And I’m ready to grace the world with my hands, my words, my visions, and my gifts. I was not given all these juices to waste and dry up. I will use the muscle before atrophy sets in. Head and heart are in alignment. Creative/sexual energy ready to be harnessed. Instead of giving it away freely to others (or at least people not deserving of it), it’s time to transmute it and share. It’s time to welcome my abundance.

Owning my Truth without fear releases me.

If you come back, it would have to be renewed. It can’t be based on the traditional sense of how we misuse sexual energy. It would have to be something higher. What will be created? Before I knew who I was, I misused my sexual energy to fill a void because I wasn’t fully walking in my gifts. Now I understand that energy is Sacred. Not everyone deserves it. Not everyone deserves to bask in it. And until someone Worthy earns it (and until the end of my days), I will use the energy to create. She has been bottled up waiting to express herself in forms. I’m excited.