your feelings are the answer

Sometimes I feel like I don’t know anything. I have a vision of where I see myself, but it’s not very clear how to get there. I see people interviewing me and wanting to hear my thoughts. And I know I want to be financially secure. But how to get there? I don’t know the best way. I only know when I’m still and I allow for the inspiration to come. When I allow. When I realize that the moment that I’m in: all the feelings and thoughts— that’s the point. Now, how do you capture it? A writing? A song? Talk on YouTube? Sometimes, nothing feels inspiring. But maybe it’s not supposed to feel like lightening. Maybe it’s what you do most naturally with the least amount of effort? Idk how I’ll make money to sustain myself during this time. And maybe I need to stop tryna figure that out. And just share how I’m feeling. The things I’m wrestling with. Honestly, my financial stability and feeling like that needs to be figured out is my biggest hurtle. Now. I think that’s the thing too— it’s one hurtle after another after another and another and another. It’s exhausting, the life. I gotta remember to let go of anything external that I think can bring internal peace. It’s not possible. No place, no thing, no person. 

But back to the initial topic, I never feel “ready.” I have yet to fully get to a point where I feel I have a definite answer. The closest I’ve gotten was after a music studio session. I went in insecure but after the session I felt more confident that this was the direction to head in— oh but it wanes as the high dissipates. And the next day I’m left questioning it all again. The only certainty is a commitment to keep moving forward and finish what I’ve started.